I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
