I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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