apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
