I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
