Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
