Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
