Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
