the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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