I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize