I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
