someone get that fucking seahorse.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
