yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize