i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
