Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
