He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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