can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
