she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
