Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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