NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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