Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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