I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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