Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
