my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
