Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
