it wasn't lemon gatorade
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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