At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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