when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize