Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
