He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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