i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
