careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
