I just cut my nipple shaving
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
