How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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