just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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