if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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