I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
