where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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