Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
