Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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