he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
