You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
