I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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