It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
