just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have aggressive nipples.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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