i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
