I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Randomize
