I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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