Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
