Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
