Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
