How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
