i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
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