I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
