U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I CAN MOONWALK!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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