I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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