i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
