I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
