There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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