If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
