Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
