he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
