no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize