dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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