she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
