i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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