So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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