I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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