I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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