were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i wish my penis had a tongue
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
