That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
