God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
