Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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