I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
