I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
