I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
