youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We were destined to go to rehab together
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
