So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
