I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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