If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
