I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
