bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
