Plan B is the new Plan A
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
