watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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