how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
