we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
