I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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