Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
