The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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