I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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