If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
