My hand turned me down
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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