Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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