I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
