i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
