In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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