Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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