Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
