This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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