I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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