Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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